"I'm lovable. God doesn't make junk."

So I recently decided to clean out my room--dusting, vacumming, clearing out my drawers and organizing everything I usually just throw together. I came across this pin I got from high school, during my senior year retreat, KAIROS. Let me just say, I personally did not grow much from KAIROS. Reason being, that my attitude wasn't one where I really wanted to grow and let God in and all that. It was basically just me pretending I got so much out of the experience because, well, everyone else seemed to have. I wasn't just trying to fit in with the crowd just cause I didn't want to feel left out. But...I just felt bad that everyone else seemed to have left their hearts out in the open for everyone else to see, and I just couldn't. So I pretended that I did. I was actually a little pissed after coming back from it. It was like, I felt like there was something wrong with me. Why couldn't I just take advantage of it and appreciated the fact that I could cry about my life for a whole 3-4 days and no one would judge me?
Despite the fact that I didn't take advantage of the experience itself, I do believe in the credo on the button they gave us, "I'm lovable. God doesn't make junk." It's funny that I should think about the pin again, with the recent events happening at school. A grad student had gone missing about a week ago, and was only found now, dead, from a proposed suicide. They said he had a plastic bag bag over his head, leading us all to believe he just suffocated himself to death. There was a facebook group to find him when everyone still thought he was missing, and someone posted the news of a dead body found near the campus. Someone who knew him thought it was ridiculous to think it was him. She (he? I forgot...haha) refused to believe it was him, and said he was definitely not suicidal.

It's kinda interesting the defensive way she had put that. She said it in a way as if she was defending his image. I mean, of course you wouldn't want anyone you know to be suicidal, and obviously you would want to defend them in matters as serious as their death. But by calling it ridiculous, she kind of brought up a good point about how everyone stereotypes people who would committ suicide. Most would think they should be crazy. Or complete social outcasts. Or heartless. Which makes sense, because, what would make you so hurt to the point of taking your own life? Some people call it selfish. I agree and disagree with this. Its just. If you really were thinking of taking your own life, there's certainly more than one party responsible. If you really had a supportive family, friends, and people in your life that don't deserve the pain of your loss, than you wouldn't go there. I mean, they must be at fault in some way for not knowing what is going on with you. You could hide your feelings well. But if you're suicidal, you would've had to had shown some signs of depression. Or signs of feeling hopeless. You could show it a little, but never admit to people how deeply you've thought about it. But really, if people actually did care enough, they would see it. They would see the problem. If people really don't know to the point someone is depressed, than that person must not have close, loving enough relationships. So, again, who could really blame only the suicidal person for what they did? Honestly, one person is responsible for their own life, I understand that. There is only so much others can do to help someone else. But I don't get how someone could let themselves go like that all on their own.
For every person who thinks they can't talk to someone about their problems--there's always some reason behind that. I don't get it. I really want to argue that it is all socially learned, the ability to committ suicide. I think it is. Because, I think some where down the line, they learned to adhere to social norms and live their lives the way society seems to accept it, instead of thinking for themselves (obviously). Actually, I think suicide is entirely a result of socialization. Because you somehow don't fit in with people. Because you don't have the right people around you to make you feel worthy of life. Because you haven't learned how to feel lovable. Because if you honestly learned how to be lovable, if you actually learned how to love yourself, and felt loved in your life, I don't think you would committ suicide.
It's easy for people to say suicidal people are selfish. Maybe they are sometimes, its circumstantial. But I'm just saying, suicide is NOT a purely self-formed action. It comes from feeling like you don't want to LIVE with everyone else in society. That's it. It comes from not wanting to feel depression within yourself, so that is the internal part. But you wouldn't feel that way if society hadn't made certain things that made you feel inclined to think of yourself a certain way. It's not just the person's fault. How could you call someone who feels they can't love themselves, selfish? I call that--insecurity. I call it--not being able to feel lovable to others' standards. If a human being just lived by themselves, would they ever want to committ suicide? No, because that is the way they are supposed to live. If you think yes, then it's because they feel lonely. BINGO. Because God made human beings so we couldn't live without each other. So, if someone feels like they don't want to live...doesn't that mean they're alone? So, doesn't that mean that someone isn't helping them fulfill what God made us for?

We have all felt that way to some degree in our lives. Felt like we didn't like ourselves in some way. So, its easy to say that they are being selfish. That they shouldn't believe there isn't some way that someone will love them. But, what if those people aren't so lucky? And, what if they are? You can be surrounded by a lot of loving people, but you can also be surrounded by a lot of people who love in limited ways. So, you'd still be not as lucky.

I don't know. I don't want to look down on suicidal people. I don't want to just feel sorry for them either. I think it'd be better if people realized that it isn't just the suicidal person's fault. It's society. It's living up to expectations. And if it isn't that, it's not being able to find people to love you enough when you can't live up to societal expectations. Humans, by nature, are dependent on each other. If one kills themself, they affect others. If others affect someone, they could themselves. It's a mutual relationship.

In general, I don't think there is anyone born with some innate ability to kill, or do horrible things. Wait, take that back. I think everyone has the innate abilities to kill or do horrible things. Its in our nature, because we are imperfect by nature. It's also in our nature to love, and do great things. So. If we are wired this way, the only explanation as to why some people sway to one or the other, is the way they are brought up. I don't think murderers are born to murder. There is some kinda scientific evidence supporting people being biologically more inclined to certain behaviors. I believe that. But I think, if you mix those bio bases, with bad social upbringing=murderers, societal outcasts, etc. So like, thats a duh. But, people don't think about that when they see people. A lot of the times, when we thinking of accepting people, there's even a norm about that. We accept people who aren't normal, but still have good hearts. We accept people who have made mistakes, but show they are willing to change. So, when it comes to a completely stone-hearted, hopeless individual--we just kinda disregard them. What more can we do? I don't know. But no one was born to live that kind of life. No one's life should be wasted, just because we believe them to be unworthy. The truth? we are all worthy. There is no doubt that some shouldn't be rewarded, but its just...I feel like we should implement more self-help programs. In mental hospitals, though a lot of the cases are because of scientific reasons, there really is reason why we still shouldn't encourage crazy people to feel better about themselves. There's no way we can completely change them, but every individual that feels unloved obviously has something they are missing.
A lot of times, people just reinforce the negativities of others. They just attribute it to their personalities. Thats just who they are. But they never say, that they could seem them differently. They may say that they could seem them being great if they tried. That they have potential. But if you honestly told a person, I believe in you. I don't doubt you. I'll love you. I will be here...then what? People have tried that, I know. So the person has to change their own thinking. UGH. Ya I am pointing out obvious things. But people still seem to stereotype. They still just judge. They just see it how it is. But not how it could be. I don't get how we let people think they are unworthy, unlovable. I don't understand how we can just say its their own fault. It can't be.